Friday, August 15, 2003

Shut up and take a seat.

I'm broke. I mean beyond broke. Nevermind the loan money I have in the bank. That'll about cover my bills for the semester. Now my mom has come up with an idea for how I can make money. Apparently the school district here is hard up for substitutes. And since I changed my schedule, I now have no Monday classes. So she suggested that I sign up to substitute for either the middle school or high school. Which sounds good in theory. But in truth, the idea scares the shit out of me. There's a reason why all of my friends became teachers and I didn't. Bottom line, I'm horrible with kids. I think they're like bees and dogs. They can smell fear.

I think it stems from my reversion to my high school ways the second I walk into the building. See, I was a straight laced, by the book, teacher's pet student in school. It's not that I wasn't liked, it's just I never knew how to be "cool". I've always been more comfortable around people older than me than people my own age. I was that kid who's friend's parent's loved me cause I was the responsible one and asked over to stay with their kids while they were going out of town, even though we were the same age. Thankfully that changed through college and I'm now the suave and debonair person you all know and love.

But when I walk back into that school, I'm transported back into the body of a 17 yr old nerdy teen who is friends with most of the popular kids, but would never be considered the cool one. And I want to be considered cool by these kids. Nevermind that they're all at least 7 years younger than me and would think me uncool simply because I'm "old". So do I use this opportunity to grow out of that and accept that I am not cool, or do I look for a real job where I can work with adults who always seem to adore me? Decisions, decisions.