I like big butts and I cannot lie.

I was walking back through the mall this afternoon carrying my Boloco burrito and minding my own business. All of the sudden, as I was passing this couple coming from the other direction, this woman reaches out to me, points to the guy she's with and says, "Hey, check out his ass when you walk past us."

Is it national look at someone else's ass day and I didn't know it? And who does that?

And I turned because I didn't think I heard her right, and she was probably thinking I really was looking at his ass. And I'll stop using the word ass now because I can just hear my mother's commentary on that point right now.