Rub me Tender

K and I had our first foray into the world of Chinese massage. We spent a little over 20 bucks and had an hour foot massage and an hour full body massage. Quite the experience really. We went with a couple of other people in our group, one of who could speak a bit of Chinese.

They lined us up in a room and then 4 men came in in formation and stuck our feet in scalding water. Any time we tried to pull them out they would make some comment that we should be able to "take it" and then shoved them back in. I seriously thought I was getting 3rd degree burns, and when I pulled my feet out later, it looked like I was wearing red footies since the red of my feet stopped right at the water line. But the foot massage was worth it even though my masseuse kept trying to make eye contact with me to see if I was enjoying it.

Then we progressed to the full body area. I was split into a room with the Chinese speaking girl and K was sent to a room with our other classmate. The 4 masseuses started to tell my roommate that we needed to upgrade to another massage package. We had originally pointed at the brochure at the package our classmates had done the week before. The guys said that we couldn't have that massage but that the more expensive package was "more comfortable for a woman." Which perked our ears up and made us wonder if they were giving us innuendos. They tried to explain that the woman massage was better because it included a head massage that the other didn't. Which is wholly untrue considering a male classmate of our had visited and gotten the other massage package and it definitely included a head massage. Though it was of a different nature that I, as a female, would not quite enjoy.

We went ahead with the "woman massage" and K's 13 year old masseuse was replaced with an older man. Which made her worry that perhaps they were giving us innuendos to begin with. But I'm happy to say that the Chinese full body massage has pretty much all the same movements as sex, without actual intercourse. Our bodies were rocking on the table for the full hour, and when I'd open my eyes, my masseuse would be rocking over me and trying to make eye contact. I tried to keep my eyes closed because I didn't want to look at him or look over at what they were doing to the other girl in my room. Though the squeaking of the bed pretty much gave away that the same thing was going on to her. Apparently this was what they meant when they said it was comfortable for a woman. When they finished I felt like I needed a cigarette, and had I had one, I may have offered one to employee number 2746. But he simply had to settle for the money.