Bridge the Problem

The Boston State Highway Patrol needs to spend more time patrolling and less time watching sci-fi movies. In a move of brilliance, the patrol has suggested that someone invent a spider-gun to capture would be suicide jumpers on bridges by casting a net over them. Apparently this is their best solution for fixing traffic problems caused when someone climbs out on the ledge and threatens to jump. Why don't they just suggest lowering the bridges closer to the water, that way it makes it less attractive as a suicide option? That sounds just about as plausible.

I'm more worried about the malfunctioning drawbridge that apparently opened while a man and his kids were going across in a minivan. The report says that the man couldn't turn back but had to speed up and jump the gap to save themselves. I think he too has been watching too many movies.

Drawbridges scare me in the first place, since I have this thing about being over water [oops forgot about that phobia] and now that I know they malfunction, they scare me even more. I guess if Boston lowered their bridges as I suggested, they'd have to make them drawbridges so the boats could pass. Let's just all take the subway and save the environment anyway.