Monday, January 10, 2005

Observations from the front pew.

When you arrive at church at the last minute, you're usually relegated to front pew status. I still maintain that the clocks at church are off since my dad always begins anouncements when my watch is still showing 5 min. till service. I've pointed this out to him, and he's suggested I adjust and arrive a bit earlier. Yeah, right.

Today our sermon included a little statistical handout that showed the breakdown of the members of the church. With close to 700 members, about 350+ were over the age of 40. Another 200 were below the age of 21. Which leaves us a grand total of 143 people in the 21-40 age group. [I still protest having to be included in a group with 40 year olds.] And of that 143, approximately 142 are married/divorced/engaged/remarried.* Hi.

Part of our service includes a communion time, where we pass around trays with chiclet sized pieces of bread and individual cups of juice. This is generally a solemn and private time, but today, the kid behind me kept asking his mom what flavor it was today. This was mildly cute for about 3 minutes, until the mom let him talk at full volume for the rest of the sermon. I almost turned around and handed her the insert from the bulletin on politeness training for children. Apparently, someone is coming to teach the kids how to behave in different settings, such as eating at home, eating in a restaurant, behaving in church, etc. Although this activity is voluntary in principle, I'm digging out our church stalker book and nominating a few of the precious little ones. Baby boot camp here you come.

* Statistics on marriage gathered via 27 years of sitting in church pews watching couples fawn all over each other in the presence of God and man. Said fawing has been known to increase the likelihood of vomitting amongst single church members.