Friday, March 05, 2004

Who said retirement homes were boring.

This Smoking Gun article has led me to believe that as we get older, we regress to our childhood. A resident of the nursing home slugged another resident for telling him to "quit playing with the salad greens" on the salad bar. Apparently he was upset because the man was taking too long getting his food. Instead the "picky eater", as his mother called him, took a swing at the man and ended up biting another resident on the arm. The scuffle ended up sending 3 residents to the hospital. Forget bar brawls, this was a salad bar brawl.

The stupidest fight I ever got into with my sister involved a pair of sandals. I was 15 at the time, and she was 17. I was trying to get back a pair of sandals that she had borrowed, and I stood at the bottom of the stairway yelling at her to throw them down. She opened her door, and set them at the top of the stairs, but refused to throw them down to me. So I stood at the bottom of the stairs yelling at her, and she stood at the top refusing to throw them down. We did this for like 5 min. Finally, I did the mature thing and went up the stairs to get my shoes. And once I got there, she had already gone into her room and laid down on her bed. I opened her door and grabbed armfuls of her clothes (which hung on a wall rack inside her door) and began hurling them down the stairs. (My sister was always the girlie girl of the family who kept everything in nice and neat order.) I only got about two armfuls thrown before she lunged at me and knocked me down half the flight of stairs.

As the middle child, I always used to get punished for everything. My parents' theory was that 'if one is guilty, they all are.' But since I had only thrown clothes and my sister's actions involved my safety, my parents decided to punish her. So they took her door off the hinges for 2 weeks. This was a big punishment because my sister valued her privacy more than anything. And for the next 2 weeks I stood in her doorway laughing my ass off while dodging whatever she was throwing at me while yelling at me to get away from her. Those were the days.