Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Sometimes I'm smarter than I look. Usually I'm not.

A recent post by Kelly about the cleanliness of our cafeteria brought to mind a post I lost a while back. [I was going to make some snarky comment about it being appropriate to resurrect it now being so close to Easter, but I'll refrain from blasphemy.]

As long time, attentive readers will remember, I commute an hour and fifteen minutes each way to school. This means that my Saturn SL2 plastic edition tends to double as a restaurant for a majority of my meals. I'm usually pretty good about keeping some wet wipes on hand so that I can somewhat sanitize my hands from whatever awful diseases I have picked up along my day's journey. But I'm not always prepared.

The other day I had to stop and get gas on my way home. [Which is not an unusual occurence considering the Saturn has an 8 cup tank capacity and I have to stop to get gas approximately every 36 hours.] It was after my night class, and I knew I was going to be eating my dinner in the car. But I didn't have any wipes. So I decided to be smart and wear my gloves while pumping the gas so that I didn't get any of those nasty gas pump germs on my hands, and thus on my food.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself as I fiddled with the gas cap and all the buttons on the pump. And using God's gift to man known as the 'pay at the pump' feature, I swiped my ATM/credit card through the machine. While giving myself a self-congratulatory pat on the back, I did what I do every time I pump gas so that I don't lose my card; I stuck it in between my teeth to hold it. This is the card that I've dropped on the ground in 5 states and 7 foreign countries. This is the card that has been inserted in 300 gas pumps, 40 ATM machines and hundreds of Walmart/Target/CVS card readers. This is the card that has collected more germs and bacteria over the last 3 years than any other item I own.

Yeah. I'm a freaking genius.