To Each His Own

Around Christmas time I informed the Boy it would be a great idea to go caroling. I told him I could play my french horn which I had not played in 10 years, and he could sing off key. This, I told him, was a great way to get to know our neighbors.

Of course I was joking. I said that my true goal was to be known as the craziest people on the block so that they would all stay away. Little did I know that was going to be a difficult task.

I found out later that the house across the street is used as a halfway house for reintroducing persons who have been committed to psychiatric wards back into society. I think this is a great program, personally, because it provides a step down that some people need. Our other neighbors informed us that from time to time we may find mail missing as the residents are often sent out to retrieve mail and if they don't have any in their box, they will go to all of the neighbors houses to collect some. Which, they can have all of my junk mail if they please.

Saturday I was out heading into town when the resident of the day came out to get the mail. It caught me off guard at first, until I realized that I wasn't seeing things and that he indeed had his dark hair slicked down and was sporting a full on dracula cape. And he was owning it. More power to him.

Gaining my identity....losing my mind.

When I married the Boy, I decided that I would take his last name. This was a decision I didn't take lightly as I've carried around my last name for 30+ years now. And I like my last name. But his is easier to pronounce and spell, and in a profession where a dozen new people each day are hacking your name, sometimes easier is better. But so I didn't completely lose the old me, I took my maiden name as my middle name. Simple enough.

Last week I began the dreaded chore of traipsing up to the Social Security Office to make the official change. Of course the place is open the convenient hours of 8 to 4, M-F. And of course the closest ones are half an hour in either direction of my house. But I picked one, took off early from work, and drove up there.

When I got there, there was no one in line and I was immediately called to the counter. Thinking this was going to be the quickest government agency visit ever, I pull out all of my documents only to discover I can't find my license. I had switched purses when we went on our honeymoon, but I thought for certain I had switched back. But alas, I couldn't locate it. I knew the answer before I asked, but I asked if I had to have my photo ID, and was told that yes, to get the new card I needed my DL or my passport. Neither of which I had.

Later that night, I'm out eating dinner with the Boy and relating the story when he reminds me that the weekend prior I had handed the DL to my oldest stepson so that he could look at it. So we checked the car and buried in the back seat was the DL. Thank goodness, but it only irritated me more that it was with me the whole time.

So today, even though I'm on call in the office, I found someone to cover for me so that I could get up to the SS office again before I'm out of town next week at a conference. Get there, documents neatly stacked, application filled out, and breeze right up to the desk. I'll start with the fact that the guy never asks for or sees my DL. I set it on the counter, and unless he has super focused vision, I know he didn't see it from his chair 6 feet away. Then he took my application and went through it entering all of the information into the computer. After about 10 minutes he printed the form for me to check for spelling errors and told me to sign. On the line where it said, "name as it will appear on your SS card" it said my first name, my middle name (the one I was born with ) and my new last name. Clearly not how I had written it on the application 3 times. So I had to have him correct it, which I swear took longer than the initial entry. Then he gave me a receipt and sent me on my merry way.

The Boy happened to be at that moment at the BMV in our town. Online it said you had to have your new SS card in your new name before you could get your license in your new name. But you had to have your new license within 30 days of the marriage. And since my SS card will take "at least" 2 weeks to get here, there's no way a person who takes a honeymoon and goes to the SS office will ever be able to wait until she gets the card back to go into the BMV. So he asked the clerk for me and the clerk said as long as I had the marriage certificate, proof of my identity, and the receipt from the SS office, I was good to go. Except she said something about having to have the official red stamp on the receipt, which I did not have.

So I came back into town and headed for the BMV before they closed. Walk in and get called to the desk. I tell the lady what I'm there for and she takes all of my neatly organized documents to start the process. Then she asks if I just went to the SS office today. When I reply in the affirmative, she tells me that I can't get my license today because the magical computer systems have to cycle over night. So I have to wait until at least tomorrow. Which they never told the Boy when he had asked for me 30 minutes earlier. Grrrrr.

I should have asked while I was there if the no red stamp thing was fatal. But I forgot. She had looked directly at the form and never mentioned it. So if I go back on Friday and they say I have to have some magical red stamp, I think I might really lose it.

Things that go bump in the night.

On Sunday, the Boy and I prepared dinner for the kids and were in process of moving everything outdoors for a picnic on the back porch. In the process, I was stooped over the refrigerator pulling the necessary condiments, when I suddenly had a full bottle of wine drop off the fridge and onto the back of my head. Man did it hurt. I didn't black out, but I did see some fuzzy lines for a moment. And I had a tennis ball sized knot on the back of my scalp for the next 12 hours. It's gone down now, other than the tenderness, but it's just yet another example of my klutzery. Observe:

The first weekend my stepsons stayed at my apartment, I was so worried about spilling something on the carpet and staining it, that I bought them cups with twist on lids to prevent the accidental spill. In the process of reminding them to watch their drinks, I managed to spill and entire gallon of orange crystal light all over the beige carpet.

At another point, we had stopped at McD's to grab some drinks and I was helping the youngest get into his car seat. Like I normally do, I set the Boy's and my drinks on the roof of the car to free up my hands. Unfortunately we were in the Boy's car. Unlike my car, his has a moon roof, which happened to be open. So we had 2 large sweet teas fall straight through the roof and onto the leather seats. Fantastic.

And one other example, because I'm sure I've proven my point by now. I have a knobless crock pot. When we moved into our new house, we had to start using a gas oven, rather than the electric. I had the crock pot on the back of the stove (since we have no counter space) and while it was cooking, I made some tea. Except, I guess the gas flame didn't stay contained under the tea pot and instead caught the knob on fire, shooting 2 feet of flame up into the stove hood. Of course my stepsons were there to witness and every once in a while they will start a conversation with... remember that one time when you set the kitchen on fire....

All examples of a day in the life of me. Ms. Accident waiting to happen.

Back Home Again

The worst part about going on vacation, is that when you return, the house is still a mess, the litter box needs scooping (desparately), the dishes that were on the counter when you left haven't been miraculously cleaned by small woodland animals, and you have to return to work. While I love my job, I'm not looking forward to the stack of new work, the contested trials scheduled this week, or the number of emails and voice mails I'd have to return.

What's worse is when you have a lot of gifts people gave you before you left piled in every room of your house that need organizing. So we bought a shelf. And a grill. The boy has been dying for a grill for a while. Now, instead of cleaning house or cooking food, we're putting together new equipment. In the long run, it will help out immensely. In the short run, it just means we're procrastinating again on things that need done. Somehow, the tomorrow that I always put things off to never seems to surface.

A Blog Reborn

It's been about 9 months since my last post, and I figure the gestation for the next post is now complete. Several things have changed over the last 9 months, and I can't believe reading back through the posts that less than a year ago that was my life. I'll briefly detail the changes and then hopefully start back in with some snarkiness. It can't be all that hard to get back in the saddle.

The Boy that I was dating has now become The Husband. A week ago we made it official and I gained a new last name. It's very odd to think about it, so I try not to. The past week we took an abbreviated honemoon out east and at certain points I'd look at him and it would hit me: That's my husband. I confessed to him my thoughts, and he laughed and said he'd been doing the same thing. It's just weird. I don't think I moved from calling him my boyfriend to my fiance yet, and now I can't say, guy I'm dating. And the rings on the left hand throw me off.

I started my main job late last September. And, I love it. Even though I'm trying to be back to blogging, I'm going to not blog about work because that would be inappropriate. Let's just say I'm on the criminal end of the legal spectrum. Bye Bye civil litigation.

I quit my second job (the one where I met the Boy) shortly after starting my new job. Sleep. It's way underrated. On the down side, I don't get to see the Boy as much since he's still working there. Our schedule tends to be me leaving the house at 7:30, and if I'm lucky, he'll make it home 15 minutes before I have to go. Then, if he's working his other job or in school, by the time I make it home, he's already left the house. Generally he will come home between jobs and have about a 30 minute layover. Then it's back to work at 11 p.m. while I sleep. And we start the whole thing over the next day. Hopefully when he finishes up school he can find a normal hours job. Because I'm not too fond of this routine.

We're (we being The Boy, me, and my 2 stepsons) here at my parents house getting ready to leave to go to an amusement park for a small family vacation. I think we all need the debriefer after the wedding planning and all around stress that we have. I didn't sleep much last night, so hopefully i'm not pooped at 3. It should be a good time though.

As for posts, I have one in my head that I'll get on here in the next few days. The Boy and I went to DC for our honeymoon and I navigated while he drove. I'll leave it at that for now.

Spit Swapping

The Boy and I and his kids paid a visit to my parents' house over the weekend. Yes, mom. I know he's a man. But "the boy" just sounds better. Anyway, on our way over, we stopped at a roadside produce stand to pick up some sweet corn. We'd had really good luck at the stand by his house, but unfortunately he forgot to check the sign and it was closed on Sunday. Totally his fault. So we had to stop at a new place we'd both seen up the road.

Stopping was probably our first mistake. I got out to get the corn, and his 5 year old (D) wanted to help me carry it. When we got up to the stand, there was a half watermelon which had been cut into little cube pieces. Immediately, D noticed the watermelon and asked for a taste of it. The stand owner happily obliged by offering a cube on his plastic fork. D, of course, was pleased and took it with no qualms. Next, stand owner, whom, so you get the picture, was toothless and forgot to put in his dentures that morning, turned to me and offered me a piece off the same fork. I graciously declined. He then offered the community fork to the next person in line, before helping himself to another piece and gumming the fork to get every last morsel.

And to think, I didn't like watermelon before.

Is this thing on?

wow. Time flies when you're having fun. I almost forgot my password to this thing. It's hard to imagine a time when I actually posted to this thing daily. Now it's mostly an afterthought. I mainly keep up through the mom's blog, and even then i've been lax.

Well, if you read my last post, you're pretty much up to date on my life. Work is the same. The 2 jobs still take up most of my time. the bro got married 2 weeks ago. He seems really happy.

The biggest change to my life has been the addition of a boy. Yes, perpetually single H is dating. I won't talk much about him cause that's not my style. He knows I have this blog though and is dying to find it. So I tease him a bit with it. He's also met the fam a couple of times and survived. He even spent a weekend with them at Kings Island after knowing them for approximately 6 hours. Even right now he's asking what I'm blogging, so I should get off of here before he looks over my shoulder.

Toodles.

Can you throw them over your shoulder, like a Continental soldier?

My niece is a whole 3 years, 3 months, going on 30. I say her age every time I talk about her because I'm still amazed at some of the things that come out of her mouth. I know they say I was a smart child, but there is no way I was as smart as she is. My mother will be the first to tell you that she has picked up lip reading. Even from across a short distance. She can understand what you are saying even if there are no words coming out of your mouth. Which is dangerous.

Today, she and I were having one of our random conversations. It just so happened to be about what I needed to take off before she would let me shower. She was taking me through piece by piece of clothing, starting with my socks. Surprisingly, she was letting me keep my sweats on. But I had to lose the shirt and the socks, and then "that thing", she said as she pointed to my bra. I asked her if she knew what it was called, and she didn't. So I told her it was a bra. I spared her from telling her what one of her grandmother's used to call it*, and will definitely avoid telling her until she's older what another of her grandmothers used to lovingly refer to is as**.

Once she got the word, I asked her if she wore a bra. She replied with a simple "nah", and before I could get out her ever favorite "why" question, she offered an explanatory, "but I'll have to when my boobs get big."

The fact that (at 3) she didn't know what it was called but knows the purpose and gets that she's one day going to be cursedblessed with a chest just freaks me out a little bit. Are they teaching sex ed in daycare?

*Over the shoulder boulder holders.
**Not appropriate for this blog, but it rhymed with kitty hags.

So it begins

I found my first grey hair today. Who knows how many more are hiding underneath my color treated hair.

It's all downhill from here.


*Back to hiding in the bathroom from the tornados.

Peeve

I realize I am going to be entirely alone in this one, and I'm ok with that.

I realize that much of fashion is tied to France. But I don't live in france. Much less, I don't watch tv in Franc.e. So when I watch What Not To Wear, it bugs the daylights out of me that thy pronounce "empire" ahmpeer. We live in the states. There's a famous building and an even more perhaps famous movie. Look it up.

On Location

I've been having issues with my computer lately which have made intenet access nonexistent. namely, the battery connection won't work and the life is about 12 minutes. Since I can't exactly blog from work, blogging has been moot.

I did however get a new phone and am currently blogging from it. I always wondered why people needed the intenet on their phone. I must say, this is fun. Hope not to make it a habit.

I have a long holiday weekend, so I'm chilling (both literally and figuratively) around my apt. A little cleaning; a little reading; a lot of sleeping.

Hope life is treating you well.

Grave Humor

After what's seemed like an extraordinarily long week, we finally laid my grandfather to rest yesterday. Don't worry, this isn't a sad post. Fortunately, on the day he passed, most of the family was able to visit his house and say our final goodbyes. Don't get me wrong, the funeral itself was sad, but it was also joyous, because that's the way my grandpa would have liked it.

In fact, a few times throughout the service, I got a case of the giggles. While it may sound disrespectful, my grandfather would have approved. He was faking heart pains the day before his passing just so his caregiver would get close to listen to his heart and he could startle her with an abrupt "boo!" That was just the way he was. My uncle advised the pallbearers to jostle him around a bit and maybe pretend to drop him, because he would have liked that.

The first time I got the giggle was actually while I was crying. I had managed to keep it together pretty well, until I caught sight of one of my younger cousins at the moment it finally hit her. Which got me going. Then I giggled when I had a moment remembering my grandmother. My grandmother used to love to go to the airport when my mom was younger just so that she could watch the families saying hello and goodbye and she could cry with them. I guess I got that from her. She would really have loved the intro and closing of Love Actually.

The second time the giggles struck were as the service was wrapping up. The funeral director was giving directions to the audience to get their coats and then go through a certain door. My grandfather was always full of anecdotes and one of his favorites certainly applied. He always liked to say that those who leave first get choice of coats. So when people kept asking me where my coat was (which was in the car), I kept having to say that I left first and chose the best coat and was now hiding it. Maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, life will return to normal for me tomorrow. It's been a long 2 weeks of "vacation" and holiday and funeral and I'm sure I'm going to be swamped beyond measure by the time I return to the office. Here's hoping I can keep my head about water.

Tidbits

On the way to dinner in the car the other night, I was trying to keep my niece from whining so much, so I started singing along to the radio. The song at the moment happened to be "Ba Ba Ba, Ba Barbara Ann.." About halfway through, she turned to me and said, "Heidi... you sing GREAT!" If the kid knew what sarcasm was, I'm certain she would be being sarcastic. As it was, we followed that song with "Benny and the Jetts". (Which, funnily, has a great scene in 27 dresses). The next night we were out for my birthday and my niece started singing away like she normally does. Usually she sings the ABCs or the like, but we caught her singing "Ba Ba Ba Benny and the Jetts." A hybrid song, I guess.

You may not have been able to tell from my previous post, but my grandfather passed away over the weekend. Things have been a bit hectic around my parents' house as you can imagine, and I'm trying as much as I can to get things squared away at my work since I will be out for the rest of the week. Probably not the best situation to be out the whole week after I took off last week for vacation. But you have to deal with what life throws your way. And the miniscule stress I'm dealing with doesn't compare to what my mom has to face since she is the executor/power of attorney/finance person and everything.

My niece doesn't understand death, which isn't surprising since she's 3. She keeps saying she wants to go visit Papa Guy. My sister told her the Papa Guy isn't at his house and he's in heaven. To which my niece responded, "oh, that's bad mommie." Not sure what that means. Then she determined that she wanted to go to heaven too to visit Papa Guy and Jesus. I'm not sure how my sis is going to explain it at the visitation tomorrow when Papa Guy is at the funeral home.

Well, not much else to say at the moment. Please keep our family in your thoughts/prayers as we say our final goodbyes. It's tough to let him go, but we know he's not in pain anymore.

Happy Birthday to Me; I just turned 30!

Well, the day I've been dreading since turning 25 has finally arrived. I've crossed into a new decade. And I'm still breathing. It helps that I had my mom's infamous coffee cake to help ease me into it. But I'm still not happy about it.

Here's hoping this year I'll be "thirty, flirty, and thriving" just like the movie says.

Things I've learned in the last month that I'm sure will be as surprising to you as they were to me.

AKA: I make really dumb mistakes all of the time.

1. Green bean casserole does not stay as fresh on the counter overnight as it would in the fridge. In fact, if it's in a sealed Pyrex dish, when you find it the next morning and open it, chances are high that it will smell like death. Against my better judgment, I gaggingly cleaned it out instead of scrapping the whole thing and spending another 11 dollars to just replace it.

2. A recorked bottle of wine is not leak proof. When it falls over in the fridge it will slowly leak through the corkscrew hole onto everything you own in the fridge. Even if it's on the bottom shelf, it will somehow waft up to the upper shelves just to make your life even more annoying.

3. A shirt does not protect from heat as well as an oven mitt. Also, burning your nipple on a hot pan on the stovetop is the most searing pain you've ever felt in your life. Please trust me on this one and don't try it out for yourself.

Good Service is Dead

Ok, I was already irritated beyond normal today due to something at work which I am not at liberty to discuss. Let's just say, imagine you were hired into a job and told that you would be soley responsible for A and B. As in, A and B is your entire job. Then a few months later, they said, oh, the person responsible for C quit, so you're now responsible for C as well. And then, after putting up with that for a while, you're told out of the blue that you now have to handle D as well, even though D alone is equal to A, B and C combined. And you won't get any more money for it. Yeah. That's how I feel.

So I stopped at McD's for some comfort food. I get to the window and the chick doesn't put the lid on the drink well enough and manages to dump it on my car door, into my car and onto my dry clean only suit. Her response? "Oops, sorry babe. " Then she says she'll fix it. Which her version of fixing it entails handing me a wad of papertowels and replacing my drink. No free hamburger coupon. No courtesy french fries on your next visit. Nada.

She did replace my diet coke with a 3/4 full glass with no ice and what I discovered when I got home was not diet coke, but was instead regular coke. And no straw. And no dipping sauce for my nuggets even though I asked twice.

You can only imagine how utterly annoyed I am at this moment. I'm not a confrontational person, but I've picked up the phone a couple of times prepared to call and voice my displeasure. Though I'm not sure it would do any good other than to get me more riled up.

Bits and Pieces

I love working for the government on election day. Bonus vacation day! K was kind enough to join me after my 2nd job and eat breakfast and then we went down to vote. We were voters 19 and 20 at our precinct. Last time, I voted with 15 minutes to spare and was only voter 220. That's sad.

Frosty did not have surgery yesterday due to a medical situation with a member of my human family. My grandfather has been ill and I went home for the weekend and could not be here to restrict his food and water. I'm keeping a close eye on him and he's scheduled now for Tues. the 20th when the vet returns from vacation. I did not realize when I rescheduled that it is the Tues before Thanskgiving, which means I can't leave them here for the long weekend. So instead, they will be making the trek to the parents' house with me where my mom's cat is less than friendly. Especially to Frosty. Poor Frosty.

My second job is looking for volunteers to work the night of Thanksgiving. Technically it will be Friday morning from midnight to 4. If I work, I get paid my 4 hours of regular holiday pay, plus time and a half for the hours I actually work. Roughly grossing $115 for one night. I need to double check with my manager that that's actually the case and it's not just straight up time and a half. If so, I am really tempted to work since we're doing Thanksgiving later in the weekend. I can also take Monday off from my law job since I've been racking up vacation days and have yet to use one. I was supposed to take the day off yesterday, but they scheduled Court. Unlike my caseworkers, I don't have anyone that can step in and cover for me for the day and let me keep my day off. So I went in anyway.

Last night at work was freezing. Our work gives us clothing including these nice parkas, stocking caps and work bibs. I made the mistake of only wearing 3 shirts and the parka last night, with my tights and jeans. I'll definitely be layering myself up tonight better since it will feel like 22 degrees at the point when I will be outside, unshielded by the wind. I think a trip to Dicks Sporting goods is in order. I just can't wait until it get to be 0 degrees.

The second-job diet.

I apologize to my 3 readers for not being around much recently. About 5 weeks ago I started a second job. And call me crazy, I actually like it, despite the fact that I work it from 12:30 a.m. until 4 a.m. And, I still love my law job enough to stick with it even though the pay is crappy and I have to work a second job to keep up. Who knew?

Anyway, other than adjusting my sleep schedule, I'm actually getting more sleep and exercise now than I did before. I work my law job from 6:30 a.m. or so until 2 or 3, come home and sleep till 11, then work the second job M-Thurs (and optional Fridays) It's amazing how much I can get done in the office before my coworkers are there needing legal advice. Weekends are still free and since I'm sleeping in the evenings, I'm not spending money going out to eat or snacking all night. It's actually very much a win win-win-situation. The down side is my DVR is getting full as I've been taping shows and not able to watch them until the weekend. So I've pared down my TV watching as much as possible and am saving some shows until rerun season to even get into.

I'm sure I'll talk more about it and share all of the scinillating details later. And by the by, if anyone in the Indy area is looking for a night-time part time job (17.5 to 20 hours) with ok pay, full benefits (cheap medical, life insurance, dental, optical, and a 401k) and built in exercise, email me at hildaheidi77@hotmail.com and I'll share all the details. I really wish I had known about this while I was in law school so I could have made an extra 8-10K a year and had good insurance and not the crappy student stuff.

Also, if anyone out there is reading this blog and still looking for a law job, I may have some info on that too. The state is hiring more attorneys to do what I do, but outside of Indianapolis (locations vary by availability). Like I said above, the pay kind of sucks, but it is great trial experience and morally rewarding. You have to actually be admitted in Indiana before you apply. Email me at the address above if you're interested in that as well.

The element of surprise.

Last night, I crawled into bed half asleep. All of the sudden, I felt something at my feet which made me start questioning whether I had just washed my sheets and didn't get them all the way dry. When I realized I hadn't, I then wondered if the sheets felt cold because of the windows being open. I decided that wasn't likely. After closer inspection, I discovered that one of my cats had left me a nice wet present. Yeah.

Now, I honestly couldn't get too upset with him. He's had a urinary infection/bleeding bladder for about 4 months and this is the first time he has ever went outside the box. Stress makes it worse. And I'm partially to blame for stressing him out. But the only reason I'm partially to blame is that my apartment complex is almost entirely to blame. As those of you who read the post from a few days ago can remember, any day now the complex is going to open my door and weather strip it. So I have to keep the cats locked up. Yesterday morning, Frosty was hiding under the bed in my room and I couldn't get to him. I didn't want to be late for court, so I made the decision to lock him in my room. I had anticipated coming home after court and working from home. So he would have only been in there 4 hours. But my 4 hour day turned into 10.5 hour day, and his little bladder couldn't hold it. No wonder he didn't run for the door when I came home.

Luckily the little present only hit the sheets and didn't soak through to the mattress. I think he was embarrassed and held it as long as he could based on the location and the splatter pattern. So I've forgiven him. Unfortunately, my the kink in my neck from sleeping on the couch has not.

Here's hoping I have no more presents awaiting me tonight.

Daily Annoyances

1. I hate those commercials for Visa where they show everyone zipping around so smoothly using their credit card only to be halted when someone wants to pay with cash. Those Visa people must not have visited the stores near me where when I want to use my credit/debit card, I have to enter either my pin or my zip code, answer whether my cashier was friendly/store was clean/visit was pleasant, enter if I have any coupons, enter if I want cash back, check yes for amount OK, and then sign. Yeah, worlds faster than handing over a $10.00 bill and getting change.

2. I was behind 2 cars today with their "In God We Trust" license plates whose drivers were doing the godly thing of littering. One was throwing trash out on the interstate, and the other was cleaning her car while in the drive-thru. She managed to throw a receipt, straw wrappers, kleenex, napkins, and the paper bag right out her window and onto the pavement under the drive up window. If I were ballsier, I would have gotten out of my car and picked up the stuff that was rolling my way and dropped it back into her car through the open windows. But then I figured I'd probably be slapped with some civil suit or charged with intimidation or battery.

3. At Wal-Mart in the 20 items or less line, the lady in front of me had 3 orders of over 20 items each. She may have had more, but I only saw her do the 3. And each one she did she used a Wal-Mart credit card, which of course meant she had to go through all the steps I just mentioned in number 1. She also was apparently working for a nursing home or something and using a corporate card. The back of it instructed the cashier to check for ID. She didn't check until the 3rd order, at which point the woman said the only thing she had on her was the card and didn't have ID to show. So the cashier just asked her if she had authorization to use the card. To no one's surprise, the lady said she did. The cashier did the responsible thing of telling her next time she needs to bring ID or a letter showing she's authorized to use the card and then let her walk away with 3 orders each totalling over $150.00. Glad she was looking out for the true card holder there.