Sunday, February 29, 2004

Oscar Predictions

Well, the show is about 2 1/2 hours away, so I decided to give my predictions for the biggest awards. I'm usually pretty close, so we'll see how I do this year.

Best Picture: Lord of the Rings. It's due.

Best Actor: I think it's going to be Bill Murray. Sean Penn will suffer because Tim Robbins is going to get supporting actor. However, I'm pulling for the long shot Johnny Depp. That's the only movie I saw and I thought he was superb in it. There's always a chance Penn and Murray will cancel each other out and Jonny will swoop in.

Best Actress: Charlize Theron. Hands down. There have been rumblings of Diane Keaton, but I think the homeliness of Charlize's roll will help her.

Supporting Actor: Tim Robbins

Supporting Actress: Renee Zellweger. I haven't seen the movie, but she was robbed for Bridget (and some say Chicago) so it will be a makeup award.

Director: It will be Soffia Coppola. It's the first time a woman has ever been nominated for best director and she'll sweep it.

Best Dressed of Nominees: Charlize, though Renee will be a close second. (As I type this Jamie Lee Curtis is with Joan Rivers and she is gorgeous. I have more and more respect for her every day. Any woman that will pose naked with no touchups [to help the women in the world realize that you don't have to be airbrushed to be beautiful] is a first class act.)

Worst Dressed: Johnny Depp. Though he's devine enough that it doesn't really matter.

The Jesus House at the Jesus Movie

I went with my parents today to see "The Passion of the Christ." I can't really put into words what the experience was like. I promised a full review, from both a religious and a movie-based perspective. That is forthcoming.

For now, let it suffice to say that if you are a Christian and know the Gospels, it is a wonderful movie for illustrating that doesn't bore like the typical "Jesus" movie. My parents have a collection of movies like that that always seem to run like a Japanese movie dubbed into French and then into English. Although this one is in Aramic with subtitles, it's not nearly as hard to pay attention.

And everything else will be addressed in the full review.

Saturday, February 28, 2004

Oh Baby

My sister has been calling my mother all day asking her what to do about morning sickness. Apparently she's been sick all day and can't keep anything down. But while she's talking to the mom (through me), the sister is laughing. So I ask what's up.

She says that she puked into a bag earlier, and her husband, being the ever caring one, was trying to take it outside for her. Only he didn't quite make it. He started puking too. So every time she gets sick, he gets sick too. Glad to know at least one male in this world is experiencing the joy of pregnancy.

This thing is a pain in the ass.
I'm about ready to give up on blogging.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Stupidity: the anti-drug

On the radio yesterday, they were having people call in and give the weirdest place they ever woke up. I'm not sure who won their competition, but I have a personal favorite.

This guy worked in international business and used to live in Japan. However, he was back living in the U.S. and doing business in London for a couple of weeks. He and his co-workers decide to take a weekend trip to Amsterdam, where this guy decides to try pot for the first time.

He said he went into a pot bar and the next thing he knew he was on an airplane on approach to the Tokyo Airport. He said that once he landed, he found out he had walked into the Amsterdam airport and bought a $7000 one way ticket to Japan. He left his laptop and all his luggage in Amsterdam and his co-workers didn't know where he was. Apparently he never got his computer or any of his luggage back.

Now that's something I don't think I ever want to wake up to.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

The best part of waking up...

I was watching a commercial tonight about coffee. And the woman goes and opens her Folgers cannister, takes a whiff, and smiles. Off to the side appears the word "dramatization." Wow, glad they clarified that for me. Do we really have to dramatize the smelling of coffee?

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

The humor continues.

My dad posed a question to me this morning:

"If a gay man marries a lesbian woman, is that a gay/lesbian marriage? And if so, would that be controversial?"

If a dad tells a bad joke in the morning and no one laughs, will he still tell another bad one tomorrow? Likely. Very Likely.

Monday, February 16, 2004

Shootem up

I was driving to school today through the city streets and saw something quite unusual. There were 2 men standing behind their car, getting stuff out of the trunk. Both were wearing khakis and what I thought were huge black belts around their waists. But they also had them around their thighs.

Upon a closer look, I realized they were holsters. They had guns on both of their thighs and extra ammunition around their waists. What the hay? And they didn't even have it under a dark suit or something. White shirts and khakis. Is this their way of getting out of a concealed weapon charge? I'm expecting to turn on the news later today and see that 2 crazy men stormed some downtown office and opened fire.

But on a positive note, they weren't wearing cowboy hats.

Saturday, February 14, 2004

V day Schmee day

My church is having an "Evening Under the Stars" night tonight. They said that they wanted couples and singles alike to attend. Right. That's why it's being held on Valentine's Day. So of course I didn't buy a ticket.

I get home this afternoon, and my mom asks what I'm doing tonight. Like she doesn't know. But then suggests that I go up to church and help serve people, then I can eat in the kitchen. (This would be a good suggestion if they needed help serving, but they don't.) Really, how pathetic does she think I am. I didn't sign up to go as a guest, so what makes her think I want to dish out mashed potatoes to lovey dovey couples and then eat in the kitchen like I'm the family member everyone is ashamed of.

I think I'm just going to chill here at home, watch some cheesy movies, and treat myself to a facial, the hot tub, and possibly highlight my hair. I am spending the night with my favorite person. Me.

Slapstick Comedy

You all should be thankful that I didn't inherit my parents' sense of humor. Yesterday morning, they were sitting on the couch as I'm getting ready for school. I was carrying one of my suits up to my room and had to grab another one. And the parents start....

Dad: Why are you wearing a suit today?
Me: I have a practice argument at school.
Dad: So is that what you call a "law Suit"?
Mom: (laughing at the Dad)... And if it has frills on it, is it a "frivolous law suit".
Dad: (laughs at the mom)
Me: (roll my eyes and leave the room while they continue making comments such as "cheap law suit")

There are no words.

Friday, February 13, 2004

You can take the hick out of the country....

I was driving to school today behind a guy in a 70's El Dorado with a huge cowboy hat perched on his head. I had this strong urge to pull up beside him, roll down the window and yell, "Dude. You're in Indiana."

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Those crazy parents.

My parents have always been fascinated with my gay friend Chuck. I think they find it odd considering they've never known anyone who is gay. They want to know how he'd act in a certain situation, or if he'd do such and such. So they're always referring to him and asking when they get to meet him. Seriously, I think my mom has an infatuation with him.

Anyway, last night the mom starts talking to me about our upcoming ball. And she asks if Chuck is going. (He's like a member of our family who's never there but the parents always ask about him.) And I say I think so. So the mom asks the dad right in front of me, "would you mind if our daughter went to the ball with Chuck?" (Which is out of left field since I never said anything about asking him.) But the dad says, "why would I care. That's fine with me."

Then a long pause. And the dad follows up with "but I would care if Chuck went with our son."

Leave it to the dad to define that boundary.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Dress me down.

This past weekend I went dress shopping with a friend for our upcoming formal. And I've decided there's one job that all the money in the world could not pay me to do. That would be consultant at a bridal shop.

We went in on Sat. and there were about 4 brides in the store, with about 8 bridesmaids each, all trying on about 5 different dresses. The line for the dressing rooms was about 2 1/2 hours long. Who should have known we needed an apt.

So we decide to go back at opening time on Sun. At noon, all 25 dressing rooms were full, and people were stalking us waiting to take over at the opportune moment. If you've never been to one of these stores, let me tell you, it's a trip. There are no mirrors in the rooms, but they are plastered all over the outside. So you try on the dress, and come out so the families of all the brides and bridesmaids can look you over and sneer to their compadres about what you're wearing and how long you're taking to try it on.

And our helper was nice, but you could tell she was disappointed that she was stuck with 2 people only getting formals, instead of a wedding party of 12. But alas, we got the dresses and escaped mostly unscathed. Now it's just the shoes, jewelry, and the date I need to find.

Monday, February 09, 2004

Love is in the air.

I heard 2 commercials on the radio today that just epitomize societal stereotypes. Both were special Valentine's Day ads.

First, the jewelry ad:
"The best thing about Valentine's Day is how easy it is to make the woman happy with jewelry."

Second, the body wrap ad:
"I've already lost 16 lbs and can't wait to lose more for my man."

In addition to being materialistic, now I have to be easy and want to starve myself to please a man. Thanks, I'll pass.

And on a sidenote, I was riding the elevator in the parking garage today and heard a woman say to the other, "That's one good feller you's got." Glad to know someone learned her good English.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

The people we keep close to us.

I had dinner with friends from high school last night. Dinner was to start at 6:30, and I remembered at approximately 7 when they called to ask where I was. Yes, I have a great memory. But I threw on some clothes, hopped in the car, and 40 minutes later I was sitting with 3 friends that have grown to be so very different than me.

2 of the friends are married, and one just had her second baby. So I spent some time holding him and ended up with a bunch of spitup on my shoulder. I hate holding babies because I always feel like I'm doing it wrong. It didn't help that the 2 yr old was walking around telling his mom that I was unsafe and that she needed to take the baby back. Even a 2 yr old can sense my uncomfiness.

But it was a good catching up night. And I stuck my foot in my mouth more than once. It's so hard to relate to people who were married right out of high school when I'm still in that stage where I'm not even close to starting a family. But these are the people I'm definitely inviting to my bridal shower, cause Lord knows, I bought them gifts when I was 18, and it will be time by then to return the favor.

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Play along at home.

For those of you inspired by Janet and wondering where you can get a nipple shield of your own, I have the answer for you. The Chain Gang has the solution for all your nipple decoration needs. Happy shopping.

I think they look painful. But I guess whatever tickles your fancy.