Quandry of the day.

How in the world do you put stiltz on an ant.

Dear Pet Peeve.

I read the Dear Abby column online frequently to marvel at the things some people have to say. The people at Dear Abby take the liberty to edit the letters so they are more grammatically correct. I can appreciate this as much as the next person since I do not want to read "the other day I seen this boy" each day.

I do, however, have a problem with one certain edit the folks make. Any time someone writes in about getting married, they change it so it says "I am being married." While this may have been proper grammar 50 years ago, no one speaks like this now. Especially when Jim Bob from Alabama is asking something. Not that there's anything wrong with Jim Bob, they just speak differently in the South than they do in New York City. It's distracting to read a letter from the South and see them speaking like the ever refined debutante. Heck, even the New York City debutantes don't speak like that. Let's get a little updated please.

So it begins.

I got my first official wedding invitation for the summer today. Except, it's not really for the summer since all of my weddings this year are in September and October. Someone told me that October is the new June. Here's how my September and October are shaping up this year:

1st weekend in Sept--wedding of a high school friend
2nd weekend in Sept--wedding of my cousin
3rd weekend in Sept--wedding of my associate
4th weekend in Sept--10 year high school reunion
5th weekend in Sept-- free, I think
1st weekend in Oct--wedding of a college friend
2nd weekend in Oct--wedding of a college friend

I'm going to be dropping alot of money on wedding gifts in those 2 months. I've heard some people say that if they're not married by the time they turn 40, they're going to throw themselves a big party and register for gifts. Which, is not a bad idea. Because it would really suck to have to spend your whole life buying people these gifts but you get none in return because you never marry. It's a messed up system.

Also, I think there should be a single person's day scheduled into our calendar. We get a Mother's Day, a Father's Day, the dreaded Valentine's day, but no recognition for the singles who have to endure all of the above holidays, plus the questions from family about "when are you going to get married" or the speculation from other family members that because you're still single you're batting for the other team. We all know their intentions are good, but apparently people can't fathom that we're ok being single.

I mean, it would be nice to have a date to take to all of the above weddings to join in the snark of griping about how much we hate weddings. But I'm perfectly content to hang out with my friends or family in my spare time. Heck, I can barely take care of myself let alone worry about accommodating someone else.

If the shoe fits.

I'm watching one of those news/investigative shows like 48 Hours. It's on a guy who was charged with killing his wife. They just introduced his girlfriend and she was talking about how she "never intended to have an affair." And then used some lame rationale about how everyone thought they were having an affair, so she decided, "why not since everyone thinks we are already?"

Nice logic.

Looking out for Number 1.

My BFF Eli (I'm trying out her new nickname; she's not sure she can pull it off, but I gave it to her anyway) sent me a few very profound emails today. Paraphrased, the one said, "I hope you don't meet and fall in love with a guy named Mike Seekey. Then if you married, you'd be Heidi Seekey."

She's makes a good point.

Feliz Cumpleanos a mi hermano

26. Oye. Too bad he doesn't know Spanish. I'd say it in his other language, but all I know is no sprechin ze deutch. (And that's spelled wrong, I know.)

I'm betting the Mom and the Dad are feeling their age this week. Their oldest turned 30 last week, and their youngest 26 today. We're all not spring chickens anymore.

Riddle me that.

I'm such a follower. I saw this over at E.McPan and I had to copy. I have pretty bland movie tastes, so these should be easy to get.

A. Pick 11 of your favorite movies.
B. Then pick one of your favorite quotes from each movie.
C. Post the quotes on your blog.
D. Have commenters guess what the movie is.
E. Either strike out the quote once it has been correctly identified or place the guesser’s user name directly after the quote.
F. Extra points for knowing the actor or character’s name.

Added hints:

1. "Last practice of the season and this asshole thinks it's the Super Bowl!"
Hint: The stars of Swingers first met while making this movie.

2. "Sun don't shine on the same dog's ass everyday, but, mister you ain't seen a ray of light since you got here."
Kelly P. had this one nailed. It's from Hoosiers and Barbara Hershey's mother says it.

3. "No more rhyming now, I mean it.
"Anybody wanna peanut?"
E. McPan knows her Princess Bride. (As does Legal Quandry, but E.McP beat her to the punch.) Vizzini and Fezzik.
4. " You knew you were dying from the start?
We're all dying from the start. I just got moved to the head of the line."
Hint: My favorite band has 2 songs on the soundrack to this movie, and the dog is named after them.
Legal Lane knew this was Sam and George from Life as a House. (Which, by the by, is excellently acted by Hayden Christensen before those Star Wars films turned his acting skills to that of wood.)

5. "OK, you can wipe the doe-eyed-Bambi-watching-her-mother-get-shot-and-strapped-to-the-back-of-a-van look from your face. "
Kelly P. with another. 13 Going on 30, Lucy to Jenna.

6. "Everyone's got skeletons in the closet, you never know when they're gonna jump out and bite you in the ass. "
Hint: This movie stars Jesus Christ... or at least a guy who played him.

7. "Well... if I had a dollar for every time they've killed me in this thing, I wouldn't have to work for you, Deke... "
Hint: Houston...we have a problem.
E. McPan correctly got that this was Jim Lovall in Apollo 13.

8. "I don't know why they'd drop a bomb on this place, be a heck of a waste of a bomb."
Hint: I have a hankering for movies based on true stories. This is another one whose lead actor was nominated for an Oscar this past year (Supporting Actor).
Legal Lane knew this one was October Sky, and I'll trust her that it was Roy Lee, because I have no clue.

9. "Why does everybody keep asking me if I've been drinking? What? Is there like a coaster stuck to my butt or something? "
Kelly P. with another correct answer. This is from Hope Floats and is said by Birdie.

10. "Are you always in the habit of going where you're not wanted or is this a new thing with you?
Are you always this nice to people you just met or are you practicin' up to be a horse's butt?"
Hint: This movie starred this year's Best Supporting Actress in her first role.
E. McPan was right again that this was The Man in the Moon. The first line was said by Court (one of those London twins) and the second was Danny (Reese Witherspoon).

11. " I know you can be under whelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?"
Frolics and Detours was on the money here. It's from 10 things I hate about you.

* Whatever did we do before imdb.com?
** I almost chose a quote from every movie with the word ass or butt in it. I'm in one of those moods today. See previous post.

On a silver platter.

I got my ass handed to me in court today.
More than once.
And sadly, I can't say that it was undeserved. My boss has a theory of throwing me into the water to see if I sink or swim. Today was mostly sinking with a lead weight tied around my feet.

Now, I'm trying to learn from it, and forget it. The forgetting it is the hard part. I keep re-living it all night, and it gets uglier the more I remember. Maybe someday I can look back on this fondly and tell some story about my initiation to the practice of law. But that won't be today. Or tomorrow. And probably not next week either.

Phone Etiquette

The other day I receive a phone call from an attorney's secretary who wanted to talk to me. About 2 minutes into the conversation, I hear her say, "hold on..." She doesn't put me on hold, but I hear her answer her cell phone and proceed to have a cell phone conversation while I'm sitting there, wasting my billable time, listening to her make lunch plans. When she turns her attention back to me, she tells me, "I just got a new cell phone and the thing hasn't stopped ringing." Well lady, it might not stop ringing, but you can stop answering. Especially when you called me and then didn't have the courtesy to put me on hold.

Seriously.

Summer Lovin'

Summer's back, and so is my addiction from last year. So you think you can dance. I might love this show more than American Idol. Actually, that's not a might, I do love it better.

My early favorites this year are Benji and Ivan. I liked Benji's story tonight about going on a mission trip and coming home to find a wedding invitation from the girl who was supposed to be waiting on him and he "wasn't the one one in the picture." However, I find it funny and possibly a pre-emptive strike letting America know up front that even though he's a ballroom guy, he's not gay. I'm also a big believer that they edit these shows to show their favorites. And even though he may be one of the show's chosen ones, I can get past that since he's one of mine too.

Eye-Dee

My niece has learned to say my name. The title of this post reflects how she says it. But I'm not complaining. For the longest time she referred to my mom and dad both as papa. We kept trying to get her to understand that grandma was mawmaw, not papa. And she learned. She's now calling the mom mawmaw. She's also calling the dad mawmaw. Still not quite getting it.

The other night I was babysitting at my sister's house late into the night. The niece and I fell asleep on the couch, and when my sister got home, she tried to take the niece off of my chest and take her to bed. Instead, my niece started crying and saying "eye-dee, eye-dee, eye-dee." So she put her back on my chest for while to sleep more. And when I finally had to leave, she kept saying my name over and over and reaching for me. I get to see her about every other weekend, and still, it doesn't seem like enough from time to time. Sigh.

En Fuego

My associate and I barely escaped from our burning building last night. Ok, so that's his dramatic tale of it. In reality, it's a little less blockbuster.

Our building is downtown, and frequently during the day we hear the firetrucks roll by. Yesterday afternoon, I ignored the sirens for a while, but then noticed they weren't going away. I looked out the window and one of the trucks was parked in the alley next to the building. I didn't think anything of it, and went about packing up to go home.

I went into the hallway to catch the elevator, and could hear the elevator dinging on several floors below. And the elevators were not moving. I went back into the office and checked the other end of the building, and found that 3 more trucks were parked at the entrance to our building. I casually told my associate that we were on fire, but more importantly, we couldn't use the elevators.

We both looked out the windows of our office and saw that passersby were not stopping to look, or pointing in shock and horror as one of the floors below us smoldered. See, we're on the 11th floor of a 12 floor building and we don't know what goes on below us most of the time.

Anyway, realizing crisis was averted, we still had to find a way out of the building. We have stairways, but the doors to the floors lock once you're in there. The only way out is the very bottom, or so we hoped. After rigging our floor for emergency escape, we made our way down the stairways, plotting what stairway window we would jump out of in case of a real emergency.

2 things disturbed me about the whole event. 1, apparently if there is a fire on another floor in this building, our alarms do not go off. So if floor 4 is completely engulfed in flames, we have to wait until the smoke rises to our floor to know there is a problem. And 2, it took us freaking forever to descend 11 floors. And that's without having to encounter all of the people from other floors as we went down. In a real fire, the lower floors would all keep piling on, and we'd get backed up somewhere around floor 8 until they all cleared. I'm not liking this scenario.